Favorite Fanfic Quotes - Part One
Jul. 20th, 2005 02:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hjsnapepmThese are a few (or more than a few) of my favourite
fanfic quotes written by the acclaimed fanfic author Potter47. I’ve no
idea why I’m posting this. I guess I’m bored. Anyway, enjoy! And if
anyone’s interested, Potter47’s stories can be found on fanfiction.net,
among other places, under the name Potter47. Well, duh.
These quotes are all from the parody fic called ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic,’ making the specificity of the sources typed below incredibly redundant.
*indicates 'favorite favorite'
‘Gathering all the hatred he held for Voldemort, he pointed his wand at the fallen Dark Lord. This man had killed his parents. He had killed Cedric. He had, although indirectly, killed Sirius. He had nearly killed Ginny. And, with all these thoughts in mind, Harry Potter did the one thing he had wanted to do ever since he had first gotten his wand, when he first heard about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
He stuck his wand up the Dark Lord’s nose.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Two: The Half-Blood Pince
‘“You attacked a Dark Lord... You attacked a Dark Lord...,” Hermione whimpered, staring at the lifeless Voldemort with frightened eyes. “Oh, you’re going to be in so much trouble --”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Two: The Half-Blood Pince
‘The Dark Lord was still alive and cursing.
“Damn! Damn! Damn! I stubbed my bloody toe! Damn!” he often said, among other expletives.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
‘At breakfast, Harry Potter felt that all was not exactly normal. The reason for this was, of course, the owl that he received. The letter it brought gave him unpleasant news:
All is not exactly normal
it said in a curly script that Harry recognised at once as Dumbledore’s. Hmmm, thought Harry. That’s odd. Why do I always recognise things ‘at once?’ Why not ‘immediately?’ Is there anything wrong with ‘straight away’ or ‘right away?’ How ‘bout ‘instantaneously’ or ‘without more ado’?
Harry was shaken out of his thoughts by another owl, which delivered more unpleasant news:
I’m going to kill you today. Regards, V.
this one said, in a sharp handwriting that was not writing at all, but printing. Apparently, Voldemort did not like cursive.
But, it seemed, the sadness would never stop. A third owl arrived just as this previous one was departing.
Millicent Bulstrode fancies you. She wants to marry you. Mrs. Millicent Potter...Mr. Harry Bulstrode...
this one said, to the utter horror of poor Harry. He would never forget the misery he felt that day. Never.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
‘“Ahh!” cried Filch. “Somebody Apparating! I hate it when people Apparate! I can’t Apparate! I want my Princess! Where’d she go? Is the nasty Apparator going to hurt my precious Princess? My precioussss...princessss....”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
‘“Meow!” said Mrs Norris impatiently, which meant “Kill him you stupid boy! He can’t use his wand!”
“Oh, right,” said Harry, who could suddenly understand cat language, making him a Purrrrrseltongue.
“Avada Catavra!” he said, and Voldemort plopped to the ground, dead. In fact, he was the first Dark Lord in history ever to plop. But, on the bright side, he landed on his feet. Which is entirely illogical, but that doesn’t really matter.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
‘“AAAHHH!” aaahhhed Filch excitedly. “My cat is devouring the Dark Lord! Come see!”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
*‘When Harriet and Ronalda woke up the next morning, they realised just how indecisive JKR could be.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Four: The Half Giant Blood Prince Thingy
‘“What is there to tell?” asked Ginny, walking over to the group.
Harry looked up at her, and he could have sworn he saw her in a whole new light. However, he cannot have. The term “A Whole New Light” has been copyrighted by Ron/Hermione shippers and can never, ever be used to describe any other person and/or Hippogriff ever again.
Harry looked up at her and saw her in an unbroken innovative luminosity.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Four: The Half Giant Blood Prince Thingy
‘“Onto the S.S. Wolfstar!”
“WHAT?” demanded Hermione, once again scandalised. “THAT’S SLASH!”
“Would you prefer the Good Ship?” suggested Lupin, brandishing his lollypop threateningly.
Hermione gulped. “Er—no. Slash is fine with me.”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Five: The Half-Blood Prince and the Chocolate Factory
‘“This year, I would like to announce a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher—oh, darn it all. I did this last year, didn’t I?” Dumbledore asked, frowning. “And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodde—
(Of course someone is about to interrupt because ‘nodde‘ is not a word, is it?)’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Six: The Half-Blood Prince Who Looked Rather Like an Old Lion
‘Harry was getting quite bored of the constant confusion of having the three Defence teachers. His head often felt very heavy because of it, or perhaps it was because of the anvil-shaped-bubble-gum-coloured hat he’d received from a mysterious sender known only as “V”. He was quite sure it was Violet Beauregarde, but Hermione persisted that she was a fictional character. Luna had wondered what that had to do with anything.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Six: The Half-Blood Prince Who Looked Rather Like an Old Lion
‘So, in order to avoid an overly long, overly boring opening, let us skip to the tornado.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
*‘The Tin Rickman blinked. Hermione blinked. Crookshanks blinked, only he used more eyelids.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
‘Soon, the group came upon what appeared to be an Emerald City, but was really just Hogwarts Castle playing dress-up.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
‘“It is an underwater boat thingy that comes in a variety of flavours—I mean, colours—same difference—both have lost a ‘u’ at the hand of Americans—the most well-known colour is Yellow, which is capitalised because it is part of Yellow Submarine which is a song that I really don’t care to sing right now because it is repetitive and extraneous and here it goes because you can’t understand me anyway: “We all live in a Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine / We all live in a Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine,” said Crookshanks, but all that came out was, “Meow.”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
‘Hermione thought that whatever this man said, he was still Dumbledore.
“Penguins and cheese,” said the man.
Yep, thought Hermione. Still Dumbledore.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
‘Snape marched purposefully up to the door, made a fist, and knocked three times, hard, with his knuckles.
A few moments later, he tried again, and the door was opened. A girl, younger than Hermione, (she looked almost twelve) stood in the doorway, and blinked at them several times.
“Yes?” she said.
“Hello. You must be Jessica. My name is Professor Severus Snape,” said Professor Severus Snape, “and this is Hermione Granger. You probably don’t know us, but—”
“Mum! It’s the crazy people again!”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Ten: The Half-Blood Prince of the Opera
‘A woman stood there, now, Jessica’s mother, the voice they had heard, they eye in the peephole. Hermione felt she looked very familiar, like someone she had known when she was a small child, a long-lost relative perhaps. She had blonde hair and very, very wide eyes that would recall Luna Lovegood on a non-surprising day.
“Who are you?” said the woman.
“My name is Professor Severus Snape,” said Professor Severus Snape once again, “and this is Hermione Granger.”
The woman nodded, and just her daughter arrived with a very large, very soft pillow, she said: “That’s what I thought,” and fainted dead away.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Ten: The Half-Blood Prince of the Opera
‘And then, going up to her computer, she sent a copy of the Half-Blood Prince manuscript to a single, obscure person in Norway. From there, the book went from computer to computer in milliseconds, even less, perhaps, and within the hour, ten-point-eight million people had gotten their hands on the Half-Blood Prince. Snape wished they wouldn’t hold on so hard, though.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Ten: The Half-Blood Prince of the Opera
‘“So, Harry,” said Hermione eagerly, “who do you think the Half-Blood Prince is going to be?”
Harry shrugged. “I dunno. Seamus maybe?”
“No, that would seem contrived,” said Hermione surely. “I think it’s Snape—after all, we don’t know if he’s pureblood, we all just assume—”
“What’s with you and Snape today?” said Ron, and Hermione quite pointedly did not answer.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Twelve: The Night Before Book Six
*‘“COME ON, DAMMIT!” he said. “BRING US OUR BOOKS!”
“Hang on!” said Hermione. “Isn’t the house charmed? They can’t even see it—”
And Dumbledore, realising she was correct, swung open the door and made for the postman himself. The postman, alarmed by robed, bearded figure jumping out of midair, began to drive away very quickly.
“OH NO YOU DON’T!” shouted Dumbledore. “ACCIO POST-TRUCK!” A pause. “Oh, damn that was a mistake.”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Twelve: The Night Before Book Six
These quotes are all from the parody fic called ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic,’ making the specificity of the sources typed below incredibly redundant.
*indicates 'favorite favorite'
‘Gathering all the hatred he held for Voldemort, he pointed his wand at the fallen Dark Lord. This man had killed his parents. He had killed Cedric. He had, although indirectly, killed Sirius. He had nearly killed Ginny. And, with all these thoughts in mind, Harry Potter did the one thing he had wanted to do ever since he had first gotten his wand, when he first heard about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
He stuck his wand up the Dark Lord’s nose.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Two: The Half-Blood Pince
‘“You attacked a Dark Lord... You attacked a Dark Lord...,” Hermione whimpered, staring at the lifeless Voldemort with frightened eyes. “Oh, you’re going to be in so much trouble --”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Two: The Half-Blood Pince
‘The Dark Lord was still alive and cursing.
“Damn! Damn! Damn! I stubbed my bloody toe! Damn!” he often said, among other expletives.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
‘At breakfast, Harry Potter felt that all was not exactly normal. The reason for this was, of course, the owl that he received. The letter it brought gave him unpleasant news:
All is not exactly normal
it said in a curly script that Harry recognised at once as Dumbledore’s. Hmmm, thought Harry. That’s odd. Why do I always recognise things ‘at once?’ Why not ‘immediately?’ Is there anything wrong with ‘straight away’ or ‘right away?’ How ‘bout ‘instantaneously’ or ‘without more ado’?
Harry was shaken out of his thoughts by another owl, which delivered more unpleasant news:
I’m going to kill you today. Regards, V.
this one said, in a sharp handwriting that was not writing at all, but printing. Apparently, Voldemort did not like cursive.
But, it seemed, the sadness would never stop. A third owl arrived just as this previous one was departing.
Millicent Bulstrode fancies you. She wants to marry you. Mrs. Millicent Potter...Mr. Harry Bulstrode...
this one said, to the utter horror of poor Harry. He would never forget the misery he felt that day. Never.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
‘“Ahh!” cried Filch. “Somebody Apparating! I hate it when people Apparate! I can’t Apparate! I want my Princess! Where’d she go? Is the nasty Apparator going to hurt my precious Princess? My precioussss...princessss....”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
‘“Meow!” said Mrs Norris impatiently, which meant “Kill him you stupid boy! He can’t use his wand!”
“Oh, right,” said Harry, who could suddenly understand cat language, making him a Purrrrrseltongue.
“Avada Catavra!” he said, and Voldemort plopped to the ground, dead. In fact, he was the first Dark Lord in history ever to plop. But, on the bright side, he landed on his feet. Which is entirely illogical, but that doesn’t really matter.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
‘“AAAHHH!” aaahhhed Filch excitedly. “My cat is devouring the Dark Lord! Come see!”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Three: The Half-Blood Princess
*‘When Harriet and Ronalda woke up the next morning, they realised just how indecisive JKR could be.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Four: The Half Giant Blood Prince Thingy
‘“What is there to tell?” asked Ginny, walking over to the group.
Harry looked up at her, and he could have sworn he saw her in a whole new light. However, he cannot have. The term “A Whole New Light” has been copyrighted by Ron/Hermione shippers and can never, ever be used to describe any other person and/or Hippogriff ever again.
Harry looked up at her and saw her in an unbroken innovative luminosity.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Four: The Half Giant Blood Prince Thingy
‘“Onto the S.S. Wolfstar!”
“WHAT?” demanded Hermione, once again scandalised. “THAT’S SLASH!”
“Would you prefer the Good Ship?” suggested Lupin, brandishing his lollypop threateningly.
Hermione gulped. “Er—no. Slash is fine with me.”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Five: The Half-Blood Prince and the Chocolate Factory
‘“This year, I would like to announce a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher—oh, darn it all. I did this last year, didn’t I?” Dumbledore asked, frowning. “And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodded regretfully.
“And the year before that?”
The students nodde—
(Of course someone is about to interrupt because ‘nodde‘ is not a word, is it?)’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Six: The Half-Blood Prince Who Looked Rather Like an Old Lion
‘Harry was getting quite bored of the constant confusion of having the three Defence teachers. His head often felt very heavy because of it, or perhaps it was because of the anvil-shaped-bubble-gum-coloured hat he’d received from a mysterious sender known only as “V”. He was quite sure it was Violet Beauregarde, but Hermione persisted that she was a fictional character. Luna had wondered what that had to do with anything.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Six: The Half-Blood Prince Who Looked Rather Like an Old Lion
‘So, in order to avoid an overly long, overly boring opening, let us skip to the tornado.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
*‘The Tin Rickman blinked. Hermione blinked. Crookshanks blinked, only he used more eyelids.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
‘Soon, the group came upon what appeared to be an Emerald City, but was really just Hogwarts Castle playing dress-up.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
‘“It is an underwater boat thingy that comes in a variety of flavours—I mean, colours—same difference—both have lost a ‘u’ at the hand of Americans—the most well-known colour is Yellow, which is capitalised because it is part of Yellow Submarine which is a song that I really don’t care to sing right now because it is repetitive and extraneous and here it goes because you can’t understand me anyway: “We all live in a Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine / We all live in a Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine,” said Crookshanks, but all that came out was, “Meow.”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
‘Hermione thought that whatever this man said, he was still Dumbledore.
“Penguins and cheese,” said the man.
Yep, thought Hermione. Still Dumbledore.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Eight: The Half-Blood Prince of Oz
‘Snape marched purposefully up to the door, made a fist, and knocked three times, hard, with his knuckles.
A few moments later, he tried again, and the door was opened. A girl, younger than Hermione, (she looked almost twelve) stood in the doorway, and blinked at them several times.
“Yes?” she said.
“Hello. You must be Jessica. My name is Professor Severus Snape,” said Professor Severus Snape, “and this is Hermione Granger. You probably don’t know us, but—”
“Mum! It’s the crazy people again!”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Ten: The Half-Blood Prince of the Opera
‘A woman stood there, now, Jessica’s mother, the voice they had heard, they eye in the peephole. Hermione felt she looked very familiar, like someone she had known when she was a small child, a long-lost relative perhaps. She had blonde hair and very, very wide eyes that would recall Luna Lovegood on a non-surprising day.
“Who are you?” said the woman.
“My name is Professor Severus Snape,” said Professor Severus Snape once again, “and this is Hermione Granger.”
The woman nodded, and just her daughter arrived with a very large, very soft pillow, she said: “That’s what I thought,” and fainted dead away.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Ten: The Half-Blood Prince of the Opera
‘And then, going up to her computer, she sent a copy of the Half-Blood Prince manuscript to a single, obscure person in Norway. From there, the book went from computer to computer in milliseconds, even less, perhaps, and within the hour, ten-point-eight million people had gotten their hands on the Half-Blood Prince. Snape wished they wouldn’t hold on so hard, though.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Ten: The Half-Blood Prince of the Opera
‘“So, Harry,” said Hermione eagerly, “who do you think the Half-Blood Prince is going to be?”
Harry shrugged. “I dunno. Seamus maybe?”
“No, that would seem contrived,” said Hermione surely. “I think it’s Snape—after all, we don’t know if he’s pureblood, we all just assume—”
“What’s with you and Snape today?” said Ron, and Hermione quite pointedly did not answer.’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Twelve: The Night Before Book Six
*‘“COME ON, DAMMIT!” he said. “BRING US OUR BOOKS!”
“Hang on!” said Hermione. “Isn’t the house charmed? They can’t even see it—”
And Dumbledore, realising she was correct, swung open the door and made for the postman himself. The postman, alarmed by robed, bearded figure jumping out of midair, began to drive away very quickly.
“OH NO YOU DON’T!” shouted Dumbledore. “ACCIO POST-TRUCK!” A pause. “Oh, damn that was a mistake.”’ ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Fanfic ~ Chapter Twelve: The Night Before Book Six
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-27 01:02 am (UTC)Of course, I'm sure you have no connection to him. None at all.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-27 03:21 am (UTC)He didn't know about this compilation of quotes until after I put it together and he still hasn't seen it. I'm a lazy bugger, I guess. Won't even walk up the stairs to show him.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-29 09:18 pm (UTC)Chickens do not belong anywhere NEAR the subtle science and exact art that is potion making!
Ahhh.
I still trust Severus.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-30 12:46 am (UTC)